Thursday, June 26, 2014

Some weeks are hard

"Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest of store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today." 
Matthew 6:26-27, 33-34

The past few days have been difficult. Adoption is hard. That isn't a secret. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. But people don't want to do things that are hard. And many days, even though I have chosen hard, the burden becomes greater than I can manage on my own. Normally I don't write about "the hard stuff."  I cry with K.C., call my friends, go shopping :) But right now I feel that the best thing to do is to just humbly ask for your prayers. I want to dwell on the above passage, let it soak into me.  I want to feel God's peace over everything in my life, especially Samuel's adoption.  But right now I cannot do it alone. Would you please lift me up in prayer?  Please pray that I would allow God's peace to overwhelm during the next several weeks. That I would "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else." 

So here's a little bit of the back story. Of course there is more, but these are the two big things I would like to share.

On Adoption- On May 22nd our Adoption Dossier was Logged-in in China.  That was five weeks ago. Back then, many families in our same situation were receiving their Letters of Acceptance 45-60 days after being Logged-in. Once you receive your LOA (Letter of Acceptance) you can plan to travel within 8-10 weeks on average. So I was thinking that by today, 35 days into our wait, we were at least half way through our LOA wait.  Unfortunately, adoption timelines change all of the time and over the past month many families have been waiting well over 60 days to receive this very precious adoption document.  This is the part where the worry and stress have become a problem. I am not in control of any portion of this process. All I can do is wait.

For the past month I have had a wonderful peace over the adoption. Our paperwork was done, all we had to do now was wait around 60 days and I was OK with that. (Not thrilled of course, but I knew it was just part of the process.)  I was excited that we would probably travel sooner than we had originally thought.  Originally, we had thought we would have to wait until November, but things moved quickly during the first several months and our Dossier was in China in 3 1/2 months. Very fast!  I was content with waiting 60 days for the Approval, and had figured that would put us in China in Late September/Early October.  But now I'm doubting, I'm worrying, I'm stressing about things that are completely out of my control.  I want my little boy home. I miss him, I love him, and I long every day for his presence in our family.  I know that God has all of this worked out in His perfect timing and I trust Him.  It is very possible that things will speed up again over the next month and I'm worrying over nothing. Lord, please let this be the case. 

So today I pray the passage above.  Will you pray it with me, for me, for yourself?  I am sure that most of you reading this have your own life situations that are making it hard for you to trust God and not worry. I firmly believe in Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” We may not be in the room together, but our hearts and minds can be together in unison asking for the Lord's peace in whatever situation we are in.

The second situation I would request prayer for is regarding Anna.  As you read in my previous post, Anna is doing just great! Unfortunately there is still the matter of the excess spinal fluid in her spinal column.  So on Monday, June 30th she will undergo her semi-annual MRI to check on the level of fluid in her brain and spine. This procedure requires over 2 hours in the MRI so she will be going under anesthesia to keep her asleep and still during the process. If you have read my previous posts on this you know that in this particular matter I have been asking God for a miracle. 6 months ago, the MRI showed no increase in fluid, so the neurosurgeon felt that it was in her best interest to just continue to watch and wait. So here we are, 6 months later, watching again. I try to be at peace, but I struggle. I don't want her to have to go through another surgery, especially a spinal surgery. But again, it is not in my control. Outwardly, she shows no signs of any change.  She continues to improve in her walking and strength, she has good bowel and bladder function (way above expectations for her condition.) Here again I need your prayers for peace. Help me to trust that God has this under control. He loves Anna, He loves our family, and He knows the outcome. 

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about miracles. As I read the Gospels and the book of Acts recently I observed the patterns of healing. I was convicted that my prayers were too narrow, that instead of asking God for too much, I was asking Him for too little. Why only ask for healing in her spine, why not ask for complete healing of her feet and legs too? What stood out to me most was that Jesus and His disciples healed to bring glory to God. It wasn't so much so that people could have a happier, easier life. For all of the stories we read of healing, I am sure there were hundreds more who did not receive the healing they desired. Did those who were not healed not have enough faith? I don't think so. I think that God in his infinite wisdom knew that through their disability they would bring Him more glory than if they were healed.  So I believe it is with Anna. Every day, I see how God uses Anna's disability for His glory. Every time we go somewhere and people see the little girl in pigtails, smiling and strutting around on her crutches they can't help but smile too. I can't go anywhere with Anna without someone coming up to me and telling me what an inspiration she is to them. So for now, even though I do, every day, pray for complete healing for Anna I don't think it is what is going to bring God the most glory.  

Would you continue to pray with our family for healing, for peace, and for God's glory to continue to be evident through our little girl.  Please pray that Monday's MRI will show no increase in spinal fluid and even more, that it would show less. Pray that we would have God's peace no matter what the outcome and that we would continue to trust Him with Anna's health. 

Thank you for lifting up our family during these emotionally draining weeks and months. I believe in the power of the prayers of the saints. Amen.


  1. M, thank you for sharing and allowing us all the opportunity to see the desires of your heart. Praying with you and loving you all.

    1. Thank you so much Mischele. Your friendship, example, and prayers are such a blessing to me.

  2. It is so hard to see our kids grow up in pictures!! I will pray that the process will go super fast. When waiting for Jacob, I found some peace knowing that he was being loved and was happy while waiting. And your little guy is sooo loved and very happy! But he will be even more loved and happier once he has his forever family, so hurry up, all you silly government agencies!!

  3. HI, Michelle. Found your blog today. We are waiting (2+ years) to bring our baby girl home from Haiti. Oh how I wish we could have lunch together. I feel your waiting pain! The LORD sustains me and continues to remind me to trust Him and His perfect timing. Thank you for this passage of Scripture. It's my daily prayer---to seek Him and live for Him as we wait. Praying for Samuel and Anna!
    Amy McCraw